Secret Santa Gift Thread

[D'oh-tastrophe Inc.]

I think this is the best thread ever.

Did I mention how much I love my comic yet?

[Waylen]

Dec 18, 2013 14:47:01 GMT -5 Santa Homer said:

My next gifter seems extremely generous. Ohhhh... Chocolate.

To: Waylen
From:

And look! They even left a note, which I have to censor...

Dear Waylen,

Merry Christmas from and family! Your gift is homemade almond roca, covered in chocolate and finely ground walnuts. I hope you don't have a nut allergy! The angels threw in some candy canes as well as, and my wife made the festive ball wreath. I left the cookie sheets in the background to prove that we really did make it! Since you won't get to actually taste it, once the big reveal is done, I'll drop you a premium badge of your choice.

Merry Christmas and Keep on Tapping,

Hey, what about me? I don't get a premium badge for all of my hard work?

Thank you so much, mmmmm, almond roca. Really wish I could taste it but a premium badge will have to do. +1

[Morganbaby1016]

Dec 20, 2013 18:14:31 GMT -5 Santa Homer said:

To: Morganbaby1016
From:

I love my drawing! Thank you to Menace 1211 for drawing me this! You have some awesome talent!

[Snowball2]

Dec 20, 2013 18:37:38 GMT -5 Santa Homer said:

To: Snowball2
From:

I love this!  Thank you Secret Santa!  All cats love an open box to play in!!

[Sprinkles, the FoolishDoughnut]

I just had to check the date; I have been rather unwell the past three days ago I was afraid I failed the task an disappointed my giftee whew!

[Sprinkles, the FoolishDoughnut]

Dec 20, 2013 18:36:15 GMT -5 Santa Homer said:

To: dripfedbongo
From:

Sweet holy sheeeeeeeeee*^#%t !! That plant calligraphy is simply STUNNING!!!

[Spiffshine]

Dec 20, 2013 18:32:18 GMT -5 Santa Homer said:

My next gift is some kind of abbreviation, or whatever they call those things with the letters and no words. I'm still not sure what it means. "Alcoholics Anonymous Will Survive?"

To: Spiffshine
From:

Ahhhh! This is so fantastic! Thank you Secret Santa. :lak:

I'm getting a kick out of the thought of someone eating that cookie & thinking "What the...?"

[okcmamma]

Dec 18, 2013 14:37:11 GMT -5 Santa Homer said:

Well, it seems I'm required to do more work. When I was hired I was told all I would have to do is sit in a chair and hand out presents. A warning about the extra stuff would have been nice, guys. Anyway, I got the keys to this place and... ohhhh, presents! Let's see who I have first...

It looks like my first present is going to okcmamma. I've been told I can't tell you who gave you the present yet, how lame.

To: okcmamma
From:

Isn't that pretty?

Oooh!!! Pretty!!! I love them, thank you so much! I can't wait to find out who made these for me!

[Tara]

Dec 18, 2013 15:08:54 GMT -5 Santa Homer said:

And, for my next gift receiver person, this is what I have.

To: Tara
From:

Happy Holidays Tara!

I hope you enjoy your gif.
It is a signature for you to use if you would like! 



Open Card Here

Stupid Flanders...

This is so cute! What's Xmas without zombies, eh? And I LOVE LOVE LOVE the little zombie tale in the card! That's already been forwarded on to my other zombies...er...friends 


Oh! And I have no idea how to add a gif to my sig, but when I figure it out I would love to have it with the rest of my proud displays 

[lakooo]

Dec 20, 2013 18:25:51 GMT -5 Santa Homer said:

I can tell a lot of hard work and thought went into my next gift. A lot more work than I would have ever done.

To: Sony
From:

Dear Sony,

For your gift I have created a template for a fleur de lis to show off your French Canadian artistry. I kept the design small - well, smaller than your usual amazing art pieces - since I know you are short on land.

I also created the design in my town along with a little message for [this will be back later]…


Large Version

I am told that Lâche pas la patate! means Never give up! in Québécois and thought it was the perfect sentiment for you. I am also told that it more literally means Don't drop the potato, which would also be a shame. Potatoes are delicious.

This design calls for Ice Sculptures for the white fleur de lis and phone booths for the field of blue, but the booths are covered with snow at the moment so my recreation is lacking the blue. Sorry!

Joyeux Noël et Bonne Année…avoir un fun d'éléphant!

~

Krusty the Clown for the Secret Santa in question.

And yes, potatoes are indeed delicious.

[Waylen]

I was hoping to see some more Secret Santa gifts delivered today, but I can understand that Santa Homer has got a lot going on.

I really just can't wait to see more gifts. There have been some pretty awesome ones so far.

[Santa Homer]

There sure has been a lot of mail to me. Much generosity in the gift giving department here. Guess I should get to it then.

For this round of Secret Santa the first gift is for Granny. Come on down and get your specialized gift!

To: Granny
From: pixy0stix

[Santa Homer]

To: z
From: A Bad Example

For z, as Springfield really could use a TARDIS.



If you zoom in, you can see the grid lines. I can also provide a more detailed PDF. It just doesn't post well here.

For dark blue I would recommendbthe dumpsters
For the lighter blue, the lounge chair.

[Santa Homer]

To: pixy0stix
From: Vigilante

[Santa Homer]

To: lyonsek
From: oracle019

Here is my gift to lyonsek - presenting, Tick Homer! I hope you enjoy it!

Merry Christmas!

[Santa Homer]

To: indydude33
From: @ray

Dear indydude33,

I made you a poinsettia and I tried my best to draw a smurf (it's a first for me) . I enjoy talking with you on the forum. I wish you the best for the upcoming year.

Your Secret Santa

[Santa Homer]

To: Kghoul
From: Bluestem2722

[Santa Homer]

To: Am4692
From: angryeraser

This is how I spent the afternoon with my kids....the extent of my creativeness. 
There shall be no laughing!!

[indydude33]

Dec 26, 2013 17:01:26 GMT -5 Santa Homer said:

To: indydude33
From:

Dear indydude33,

I made you a poinsettia and I tried my best to draw a smurf (it's a first for me) . I enjoy talking with you on the forum. I wish you the best for the upcoming year.

Your Secret Santa

I LOVE IT!!!!!

That's a beautiful poinsettia! And it's a fantastic Smurf. I think you're lying. I'm sure you've made Smurfs before!!

[Santa Homer]

Okay kids! Now it's time to nestle by the fireside and enjoy a good read.

To:@ray
From: lyonsek

The Adventures of @ray

Chapter 1

Our story begins in a classroom. With a passing view, one might easily mistake this for a typical classroom found anywhere in America. You would find an expected mix of students from the devoutly keen to those whose only vocational aspirations appeared to center around the chewing of gum.

The figure at the head of the room may not seem out of place at a glance, but if one pauses and begins to look, truly look, at this figure, a sense of something out of place begins to build. Perhaps it is the suit that seems slightly too tight at the shoulders, or the feet placed apart as if to brace against an assault, but mostly it is the eyes. These are not the eyes of someone settled in their ways. No, these eyes have a thirst, as if searching for something unseen.

The students, of course, know this figure as only their teacher, a mild-mannered man with an over-the-top passion for history. A few of the girls wonder what other passions he might have, and daydream of sharing theirs with him. 

You would be forgiven for thinking that teaching was his life. That he spent his evenings grading papers while perhaps enjoying a drink or two. Little did his students know that their favorite history teacher had another life. He was not satisfied with the telling of history. No, he was someone who MADE history. He was Indy2nd.

As Indy2nd was telling his students about the supply chain issues Hannibal faced in trying to feed his elephants, he was unaware that his next escapade was only a few hours away, or that it would bring him closer to death than ever before.

Chapter 2

A large balding man sat patiently outside of the local high school watching the students funnel out. The floor of his 1982 Valient was littered with donut crumbs. Homer had many vices with donuts being one of his worst, but he hadn’t let himself be distracted by the sweets today. He had a job to do, and it needed all his attention.

He watched the doors waiting for his quarry to emerge unawares. He hadn’t asked himself the question of whether these where the only doors in the school. He had simply parked outside the first doors he had come across. This oversight would prove fateful. In the meantime, he continued to watch the doors and tried not to think of donuts.

Chapter 3

Indy2nd was packing up his satchel with the essays needing to be marked that evening. On his way out of the class he wondered what inventive answers his students would offer up. He was particularly curious to read the responses from the student nicknamed “Fraggle”. She tended to be more creative than her peers.

Leaving out the back door, he walked up to his car and dropped his bag on the passenger seat as he started the engine. Driving out of the parking lot, a glint caught the corner of his eye. Squinting, he saw a balding head of an all too familiar figure, Homer. That could only mean one thing, B.U.R.N.S. had found him. It also meant he wouldn’t be grading papers tonight.

B.U.R.N.S. was a dark underground organization that specialized in distributing illegal arms to the highest bidder. It stood for Bringing Unpleasant Reprobates and the Nefarious to Springfield. Recently, they had moved into the spent fuel rod market and rumours on the street had them making a big deal soon. Homer was one of their enforcers. He was as subtle as a club but equally effective if he caught you unawares. 

Indy2nd ducked down as he drove by the imposing figure in the Valient and sped toward what the town thought was the local bar.

Chapter 4

Indy2nd slowed and parked the car in front of Moe’s. Striding through the door and passing the bar, he waved to “Moe” whose real name was Ned and was surprisingly religious for someone impersonating a bar owner.

Entering the storage room, Indy2nd lifted an innocuous bottle of Duff from one of the cases, triggering the hidden door leading downstairs. Moe’s was really a front for M.O.E.S., the Mounted Overseeing and Enforcement Services. It had been many years since any agents had ridden a horse, but the name had stuck.

At the end of the stairs, Barney was already waiting for him. “So you think B.U.R.N.S. knows who you are?”

“It’s the only explanation for why Homer would be waiting outside the school. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t there to pick up his kid”, Indy2nd replied.

“Well then there’s nothing else to do but to take you off the case.” Barney had been leading M.O.E.S. for longer than Indy2nd had been an agent, and while his act as the local drunk gave him reason to spend all his time at the bar, he was, in fact, absolutely brilliant. Indy2nd respected the man more than anyone else he knew. That respect didn’t, however, prevent him from using profanity when needed.

“There’s no mothfawking way you can take me off the case Barn! No one knows B.U.R.N.S. like I do, and something is happening, something big!”

“Alright, alright Indy2nd, you can stay on the case, but you better find out what’s going down. God only knows what kind of twisted torment B.U.R.N.S. has in mind for Springfield this time.” Barney was right Indy2nd needed to figure out what they were up to and he knew just where to start.

Chapter 5

Indy2nd drove up next to a small group of people huddled around a dishevelled man shouting about an appending apocalypse. Most people thought the man to be a lunatic, but nobody knew the streets better than Reverend Lovejoy.

Indy2nd waited for the Reverend to finish his sermon before calling out, “Lovejoy, what’s the good book saying this week?”

“Ah Indy2nd, it’s been awhile. Can’t say I’m surprised to see you though. Lots of rumblin’ on the streets these days.”

“Yeah? So what have you heard”, asked Indy2nd

“Word is the Glitch Exploiter is back”. The Glitch Exploiter was an almost legendary figure who reportedly could gain access to any computer server on the planet. Most people thought he was nothing more than a myth, but Indy2nd knew better. If he had surfaced again, things were going to get messy.

Lovejoy went on saying, “Rumour has it he’s hooked up with B.U.R.N.S. on something big”.

“And what’s that?” asked Indy2nd

“Don’t know for sure, but I’ve heard bits and pieces about a lemon tree, whatever that means”. Indy2nd’s breath caught in his throat. “Lemon Tree” was the code name for the M.O.E.S. mainframe. If B.U.R.N.S. got access to that, the damage would be unthinkable.

“You OK Indy2nd? Look like you saw a ghost, or maybe a zombie, or even a gremlin”, said Lovejoy.

“Thanks for the info”, Indy2nd said, slipping the Reverend a fifty for his troubles. He needed to find the Glitch Exploiter before it was too late. He had to think where would an underworld tech geek go to lay low? Then it came to him…Android’s Dungeon.

Android’s Dungeon was a hangout for those living off the grid, people with secrets to hide. It wasn’t the kind of place you just walked into and expected to get back out. He needed a plan if he was going to get to the Glitch Exploiter.

Chapter 6

Indy2nd hid in the shadows outside the backdoor of the Dungeon as one seedy character after another knocked on the door and was asked for the password. It was a who’s who of Springfield’s criminal element. There were the twins Sherri and Terri, Louie, Legs, and even Fat Tony. 

Unfortunately, Indy2nd was too far away to make out the password. Just as he was about to try crawling closer, some clown strolled up to the door banging hard on it shouting, “Hey, hey, hey kids!” A small slot on the door opened and a burly voice asked for the password. In a loud voice the clown demanded, “Come on, you know who I am, I’m Krusty!”

“Don’t care who you are…need a password”, said the voice on the other side of the door.

“Dammit, alright just give me a second. I know last week was ‘Waiting for Update’, and the week before that was ‘Need Friends’…ummmm….oh wait, I remember now ‘Whacking Day!’”

“Alright, alright come in before you wake up the neighbours” said the voice as the door opened.

After a few minutes, Indy2nd went up to the door and knocked. Again, the slot opened and a dull set of eyes asked for the password. “Whacking Day”, said Indy2nd.

“Alright, come in”, announced the gruff voice as the door opened.

Indy2nd was immediately assailed by the smoke and smell of stale beer. He had always thought the M.O.E.S. stench was bad, but this was the kind of smell that made you want to shower in a sand blaster. Scanning the room, he saw a familiar figure sitting at the table on the far side of the room, Homer. Next to the behemoth was a nervous looking guy with glasses and a T-shirt that read “I Hacked MIT for Kicks!” Indy2nd was willing to bet his trigger finger that he was the Glitch Exploiter.

He needed to get him alone and out of here, but how to handle Homer? Indy2nd had gotten by him once already today and wasn’t sure how far he wanted to push his luck. Somehow he needed to distract the beefy thug, get him to do something, send him on a quest if you will. As Indy2nd pondered his next step, he watched as Homer starting digging in his pockets, clearly looking for something. After the big man had been through each of his pockets twice, the nervous looking man passed him his cell phone. That gave Indy2nd an idea.

Chapter 7

The bartender yelled, “Hey Homer, there’s a call for ya!” Homer left the table, and grabbed the phone from the bartender.

“Hello?” Thankfully, part of Indy2nd’s training at M.O.E.S. Academy was voice impersonation, and he had been practicing a certain voice for years. Bart Simpson was one of the deadliest enforcers B.U.R.N.S. had. He and his sister, Lisa, were the type of people you didn’t say no to. The key to Bart’s voice was to try and sound like a girl trying to sound like a boy.

“Where the hell are you?!” Indy2nd said threateningly. Homer instantly recognized the voice and felt his sphincter tighten. 

“Uhhh, I’m at Androids with the Glitch-“

“Don’t say his name over the phone you idiot! And you’re supposed to be at the school looking for the M.O.E.S. agent”

“But, but I thought-“

“I don’t care what you thought! Get to that school and get there now!” 

“But what about Glitch – I mean the guy?” stumble Homer.

“Leave him, Lisa has that covered”, said Indy2nd in his best Bart like voice.

“Oh ok, but why didn’t you call me on my cell?” 

“You lost it, remember!” said Indy2nd trying to sound impatient.

“Oh right!”

“If you’re not at the school in 10 minutes, I’ll come looking. You understand”. As Indy2nd watched Homer, it was clear that this threat had landed. Homer flung the phone at the bartender and sprinted from the bar faster than his girth should have allowed.

With a handgun pressed sharply against his ribs, the Glitch Exploiter was escorted out of the Dungeon and into Indy2nd’s car. “Who are you?” asked the man in the t-shirt, looking more nervous by the minute.

“My name is Indy2nd. I work for M.O.E.S. and I take it you’re the Glitch Exploiter?”

“Some people call me that, but my real name is Millhouse. I didn’t want to work for them, but they were forcing me. It all started because I had a crush on a girl. Her name was Lisa, and I thought she really liked me, but when she asked me back to her place, the next thing I know some big bald guy knocks me out. I wake up in a cell with some guy telling me if I ever want to see my parents again, I better do whatever they ask.”

“What did they want you to do?” asked Indy2nd

“They wanted me to hack some computer they called the Lemon Tree and download everything on it. After that they wanted me to plant a virus so they could watch everything that went in or out of the computer. I downloaded a few bits, personnel files I think, to try and stall them, but they were getting impatient.”

Well that explained how they found out where he worked thought Indy2nd. “I’m going to take you back to M.O.E.S. so our tech guys can debrief you.” Indy barely got the words out when his car was t-boned by a Valient being driven by a bald man eating a donut.

Chapter 8

Indy2nd woke with two faces staring down at him, Lisa and Bart Simpson. Behind him he heard a voice, almost too effeminate to be a man’s voice. The voice grew louder as a figure came around to face him.

“Hello Indy2nd. My name is Waylon Smithers. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

No one knew who ran B.U.R.N.S., but given the way Lisa and Bart moved out of the way of this man, Indy was sure he had just met him. If he had any doubt, it was erased by the way that a heavily bandaged Homer was cowering in his presence, or at least cowering as best he could while holding a set of crutches.

“You’ve given Homer here quite a bit of trouble today, haven’t you Mister Indy2nd? If he hadn’t had an uncharacteristic moment of clarity and asked how Bart knew he had lost his cell phone, and then called me right away…well…it would likely be him strapped to that chair right now.” That made Homer cower even more. Clearly this Waylon Smithers was the man in charge.

“Honestly, I thought you would be taller, and sound a little less like Ethel Merman”, snarked Indy2nd. 

That elicited a firm punch to the stomach from Bart. “Mind your manners” spat the young assassin.

“Well I’m afraid that wit of yours won’t do you any good now”, Smithers said. “But don’t worry, you’ll have a front row seat to watch the demise of M.O.E.S”. It was then that Indy2nd noticed there was one other figure in the room. A bruised and battered Millhouse was sitting in front of a computer screen, his fingers flying like he was writing a concerto on the keyboard.

“Are we ready then Mr. Exploiter”, asked Smithers through a sickening smile.

“Yes, I just need to hit enter and it will be done”, said Millhouse who twitched as he looked at Indy2nd. 

Twitched, or was that a wink thought Indy2nd. Just as he thought it looked more like a wink, Millhouse hit the enter key and the room was flooded with light and an alarm louder than a 5-year old girl’s birthday party.

Indy2nd didn’t hesitate. Years of training had taught him to react. In an instant, he had rolled in the chair causing the arm to bend, giving just enough room to free his left hand. He swung the chair, still strapped to his right hand, striking both Lisa and Bart in a single wide arc. The force of the impact snapped the right strap, freeing his other hand. In seconds, he had knocked the crutches out from under Homer and had used one to pummel him into a deep slumber.

Breathing hard, he looked up and saw Waylon Smithers holding Millhouse with a gun to his head. Indy2nd looked into Millhouse’s eyes and say something, something hard.

At first Indy2nd thought someone had launched a concussion bomb into the room. At the Academy, he had trained in the use of sound as a weapon. He knew how effectively it could disorient a foe. He had never trained for this. He could no longer hear the alarm. Nothing existed for him save one sound, a horrid, haunting sound…a scream. 

Millhouse had done the only thing he could think to do with someone holding a gun to his head. He screamed louder than God had intended and while it had stunned Indy2nd several meters away, it had completely shut down the nervous system of Waylon Smithers who found himself in the unfortunate position of having placed his ear mere inches from Millhouse’s mouth.

Before Smithers could regain his senses, he found himself losing another as his nose shattered from being struck by a keyboard wielding tech geek in a t-shirt.

With the ringing still in his ears, Indy2nd grabbed Millhouse by the arm and began running through the only door in the room. After a few twists and turns to avoid B.U.R.N.S. henchmen who were scrambling to find the source of the alarm, they found themselves outside and running toward the bar name Moe’s.

Chapter 9

The next day Indy2nd was back to school handing out the graded papers. “Very inventive, Miss Fraggle” he noted as he passed a student’s desk.

He was barely able to hear the class bell over the ringing in his own head. The doctors had said that it would go away, eventually.

As he went down the hall toward the teacher’s lounge he caught up to Miss Bouvier. She smiled at him as he asked her how her class had gone. Some day he would get up enough nerve to ask her out, but for now the thought was just too scary.

[Santa Homer]

To: Gilby
From: davenk67

[lyonsek]

Dec 26, 2013 16:55:55 GMT -5 Santa Homer said:

To: lyonsek
From:

Here is my gift to lyonsek - presenting, Tick Homer! I hope you enjoy it!

Merry Christmas!

Well thank you very much to my Secret Santa. I love "Homer Tick"! Now that would be a skin I would pay some serious donuts for.

[Santa Homer]

To: TwiztidThorn
From: okcmamma

I made you a batch of my Grandma's Famous Scotcharoos!



Here is the simple recipe so you can make them again - great part is when you buy the ingredients, it makes two batches and is inexpensive to make!

1 cup Karo Corn Syrup
1 cup sugar
1 cup peanut butter
6 cups Rice Krispies Cereal (generic works fantastic!)
1 cup butterscotch chips
1 cup milk chocolate chips

In a big plastic bowl (glass will harden mixture quickly) put in the cereal and set aside. Take a 13x9 baking dish a lightly spray with any kind of pan spray if you choose, but isn't necessary and set that aside. Have your peanut butter ready, but set aside.

Take a medium sauce pan and combine the sugar and corn syrup and heat over medium heat , stirring constantly with a whisk until it comes to a boil and the sugar has melted. It will take a few minutes so be patient. once it is at a boil, remove from heat and whisk in the peanut butter. Now it's time to move a little fast . . . dump the entire mixture over cereal until evenly coated then immediately put into the 13x9 baking dish, and spread it out evenly into the pan. In a small glass bowl, microwave the chips for a couple of minutes or until melted, stir, then spread over the top of the cereal mixture.

Then the hard part, waiting for the chocolate to harden before you eat them. It rarely happens in our home, we sometimes put them in the freezer to quickly harden it. These are one of the best treats to make! Once you get the hang of it, it will take you less than 10 minutes to make a batch - a wonderful, easy, quick treat!

Oh, and the best part, they taste like a crunchy peanut butter cup with a twist!

From my home to yours,
Enjoy!

[Gilby]

Dec 26, 2013 18:02:14 GMT -5 Santa Homer said:

To: Gilby
From:

Thanks Secret Santa. I have updated my avatar appropriately.

[Santa Homer]

Laughing Luigi the gifter wanted to let you know a premium badge is in the works to be gifted to you in addition to the below gifts.

To: Laughing Luigi
From: Waylen

I hope you like your present Lui, I was going to get you more but all I could afford was the Bowie.



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